My Blog

2007….

too many things happened. really dont know where to begin,how to begin. many crossroads i came by the past year, at times just so dumb to choose either one that i dont even make a decision. well this always happens when both ways seems so difficult to let go.

had lots of ideas,lots of things that i thought i could just walk by as the year took me through, yet again it did not seem that way. easy was not what i thought but it was that my priroities were not in place.

a beautiful year it was,it was not the most perfect year i would say. faced so many challenges but the life isnt:-) sad moments,happpy ones,embarrsing..oh yes there were..haha, dullness,blurness, and best of all loneliness..many unexpected events took place as well. some were really sad but the rest were beautiful. for all that i have not acomplished or did not finish, this year is going to be different. things have changed but i still remain the same..

2008

new year wishes to all. this year is going to be very much exciting. cant wait actually. but i got to be honest i am actually afraid of this year. was so anxious for no reason. and its not the good anxious feeling aite..haha…

alined few things. this time everything is going to be awesome for everyone. people just wait and watch. wish you guys all the best, God bless everyone and one last thing i want to say before i depart this foyer cause might not visit this place as often…

the past year might not have been a real good one for many but thats alrite this year is your proving ground. let yourself explore into the magic of your own power and wonder. it is not the end yet, dont let got of your dreams, goals or even something your had wished to changed. this is where you stand up and talk tall. not for you being proud but of your skills and characther.

dont let go of yourself,keep going and stick to your loved ones. you need them. He is always above us to watch..just march forward. all the best.

en anbae en anbae
en kaNNukkuL kavithanjali
en anbae en anbae
en nenjukkuL kaadhal vali
en udal indru kadal aanadhey
en uyirukkuL alaiyaadudhey
indha paaRaikkuL pani paayndhadhey
en viradhathil viLaiyaadudhey
oah sakee…. oah sakee…
priyasakee… priyasakee…

vizhi patta idam indru uLi patta silaiyaaga
idhu dhaanoa kaadhal endraRindhaenadi
puthu paarvai nee paarthu puthu vaarthai nee paesi
idhayathai idam maaRa seidhaayadi
mellidai koNdu nadaigaL poadum azhagana peNNae
muppadi koNdu ennai sutri vaLaithaayadi
en uRakkathai thirudi sendru uRavaadum poovae
un sirippukkuL siRaivaikkiRaay
ada konja konjamaay ennai vaattinaay
konja konjamaay ennai maatrinaay
idhayathin maRupakkam nee kaatinaay
ini enna solluvaen indru naan amdha nanjayum uNdu
ini rekkai endriyae naan poavaen vaan meedhilae
oah sakee…. oah sakee…
priyasakee… priyasakee…

oah sakee…. oah sakee… priyasakee… priyasakee…

ithu than en manasu irukethe nehjam..!!

well to many out there, it is actually kind of diffcult to see what was been explained.

but for those who can see or read between the lines would have understood very much what was been conveyed. pictures tells a story of a thousand words. which is really true and i guess you made the mistake there. should have left it without the pictures unless there was a message hidden those pixels.

one more addition, in life you will come across many beautiful and wonderful things. it can be anything, things like materials, fun, excitement, joy, happiness, nature, and last but not least among the most interesting, people.

well they dont have to be random people but someone who knows you. he or she could be the wonderful thing. but it does not just stop there, you are interested in knowing the person..you introduce yourself.

you speak about issues to know one another. why? maybe because you think he or she could be your friend. if you speak to the person and you seem to enjoy the company that is where the relationship deepens. and you call them best friends. love for the opposite sex is another issue here.

if a person can understand your feelings, reach you when you are in need, care when you are down and broken, all these compassion given…would you not want to consider that person a friend

this friend thingy is something that could be developed within any age group, any kind, any religion, any believe, any aspect…there is no boundaries…and thats why i said its a beauty,

people may just come and go in your life but what stays in memories…let it be sweet or sour. memories are memories. as they came by you will find among the lot, a type you like, a type that made a change in you, a type so rare, and that type is a gift that probably will come once in a lifetime. the most beautiful things in life don come easy, even if it does…its jus short term. listen to your heart, its says the truth…listen to your mind it says right.

if you feel down or broken..lean on your pal, she or he i bet will be there to help you to their very means. if they were to cause your grief, always being the understanding one, forgiveness is your token or donation of kindness.

if you can understand what i have written here, then enmity,anger,upsetness or anything for that matter should not be an excuse for one to discard someone you might love as a friend.

should i do it? should i not? should i do? should i not?

its so complicated..either one is not bad neither good…is it going to be a false move or the best move? i really dont know..what do i choose? was head over heels when it was done…soemthing i thought was going to be impossible happened and i dont think it took much effort.

leave aside what i am going to do…what are you going to do? its scarier thinking of that…how could one be comfortable knowing what the past was like…

not easy Deven!! not easy..its like this la..

future was there, but then future came and became past in the future…but past was suppose to be future if past was not past..if this was such then why did future become past when past was not suppose to be future…the conclusion of all this…the present!!

should i just comply with the present and not think bout ma past which would have been my future or just cling on to it to see if the light at the end of the tunnel is still alive..

separate the equation..its either you know what you want or you dont!! thats all..what else could it be..probably it might be a little confusion between this or that..thats why there is time span.

choose what is important, what is ultimate, and thats it..u get ur answer to the equation.

14th November 07…

was a monday,same old routine. college. back home. but on this monday there was a slight rearrangement on my routine. was at college like normal. there was suppose to be a meeting with the committee at 1pm.

and as i was sitting in the room waiting for the rest,i get a message. very unusual time to recieve a message from this person. she was asking if am interested in watching a movie with her.

i was like flying sky high,at the same time my heart was pounding. damn!! i felt so excited. told my friends that i wont b there for meeting and i scooted of with G to MidV.

she had got the tickets but we had to sit far away from her. felt reli bad,but at least i was there.

the day was awesome. we had drinks togather. and she had her friend there as well. annisha(anu). came down to college as well. was cool man. she met the jing bang,thuresh,joshua,yeow,mirna,dalveen,rueben…cant remember the rest.

i must say..she is gorgeous!! she looked reli sweet but a bit tired as well. G said he had a good time with her as well. i bet cause she is so comfortable to talk to. unless her silent moments..

waited for her to take the train back home. train was delayed. the usual..hehe. she said,G was a good friend. i agree.. nice guy that fellow.

well all in all, it was a beautiful day. never expected it and it happened. thank GOd for that man.

you know at times i sit and think to myself, if there was nothing to be made of that then why give it?? probably there has to be some more patience for me..i gotta wait a little while longer.

past five days was not around. had been away. was more to myself most of the time and been thinking about so many things. come to realise, that everytime in life if there was once you had a chance to grab something and it slipped..dont ever let it drop. go for it!!

another very important thing, dont do things for the sake of doing it. everytime you commit yourself into something, give your very best like there was no tommorow. do it for love,passion…what ever that means the world to you. let it come from the bottom of your heart. feel the sincerity.

like i always say..let yourself go!!

p/s: if on the monday i had been silent, i am sorry. was really excited to see you. the words couldnt come out. jaws were numb as well. thank you for that wonderful day!!

untill today there are many occasions that i might have not used ma brains to do something..

had the heart in priority..

sad to say it was all ma downfall..used to wonder why is that when you had given something a good thought it still backfires..it did once but the on the second time..i thought it would as well,but was wrong this time.

never knew she had so much feelings..

if only it triggered in my mind to ask her,would not have to be in this situation like this today..every bit of it bitting on me slowly,the skin not yet numb!!

how long is this going to take?? i really dont know..stay up late at night just thinking how foolish i could ever be..a wonderful person she is..n all i got now is just memories..

my heart right now..is so bloody heavy!! like there is a bulk of something invisible hanging on to it..it might be the worry,upsetness,sadness,frustration, and maybe anger clinging on the very edge of my vein.

had a chance to at least get a glance at her..even that,i was unlucky..its really weird things like this happen to people like me…

the beauty about things is that..God has still not let go of me…how i wish i could ride her on ma journey too..damn!! she is gorgeous..

clinging on your last hope at the very tip of your fingers is not some joke..well probably letting it go at that very moment was what your brains would have programmed.

what happens if you still had the burning desire to still hold on to it even though you are feeling the excruciating pain at the brim of your fingers..would you let it go?

if that hope was the one motivating factor of your life to at least see some joy..would you let it go? if it was your only hope for survival…would you still do it?

just let your mind wonder..imagine you are hanging on the cliff with one hand.you are loosing your grip.would you just give up n let yourself splater on rock solid ground? or advance yourself up with all that pain?

some people might just give up..this the general group of people..would you want to be different from the rest? experincing new things that you can never imagine…

my advise dont let it go..that little touch can make a whole lot of difference. give it a shot..work something out. n the ultimate idea…never ever ever give up!!

if you had gathered something new..its wonderful. if there was nothing..try it in a different scenario.

i have hopes and dreams as well…lost almost all my balance,not really on the very end yet…but one thing for sure..am not easy!!

edited by:

soul

if i was given a chance to walk away from everything that i have now..i will!!

when you are so sincere in whatever you do..why does it seem wrong to others? its not like u want attention..its just that you are so courteous in giving without any expectations.

untill today,if i had done something..i would have thought about the person am serving more than myself..it doesnt matter anybody.

sad thing is..i dont understand why is that the people who are close to me dont want to understand this. people that i have known well..

this is for the one person:

i am sori if i had pulled it too far..i didnt mean to do it. everything that i had done came from the heart and it was because i cared alot for you. people like you dont come by often..a wonderful person you are. m sori ya..i didnt mean to hurt a person  for who you are.

i loved you,i still love you and will always do!!

this love is just not like any other..

its not like you go up to a gal or guy and pour your feelings.

hoping he/she would acknowledge and say yes or agree.

love can mean something where,you are just enjoying every second that you had spent with the other.

every moment you had cherished like it would never come again.

that is love as well.

many people don realise this…thinking its just a normal feeling or something….well it is a normal feeling. but that little moment can mean the world.

general perception of love is this…caring for one another,helping each other,understanding,forgiveness,sadness,joy,fun,exiciting,fulfilling,responsibility…

alot more to add…

all that is love..but has anyone ever thought about the finer details of it??

the exact same thing above but in much smaller detail…ah!! now if you can just think about the fine and small things….

you know what i mean.

if you guys notice..human beings dont normally fight for big or major things..small little issue becomes a huge probelm because of humans..

thats their nature…

same thing in love…those little tiny things that somebody might have done is the spark! and now that triggers the bigger picture.

take a look and see what are those little things that might have brought the whole thing into this big and wonderful picture…

or if its for a negative issue..you know where to start.

give,give,give and you will be given…

life every moment with great excitement as what has gone will not come back.

edited by:

soul   

This particular feeling that i have and hate is being confuse.

reason being is that..if you’re angry you knw its a feeling of upset or unhappy towards something or even somebody. its the same even if you are happy, its a feel of joy,pleased,anything thats positive..

but this doesnt apply for a confused feeling. you dont know which is which! and that feeling is something that not only me but anybody for that matter dislikes’. saddest part is that if it relates to making a decision between something that you dont want  to lose both ways.

ah..now thats difficult. for a simple example: if you are a person who is given a choice between playing a sport for the nation in a major tournament and somebody at the very same time says he wants to sponsor your studies. with a condition u take the offer within 3 days. which wud u choose? you are a true lover of the game,as well you are worried about your future…

the example might seem simple but making decisions in such cases is not easy.

what more in relationships!! how hard and difficult do you think it might get??

but there goes a saying,one’s loss is anothers gain. and in life we can only dream about having everything but my fren face the reality…a choice has to be made. and live that choice with all your courage and determination.

do this..i assure you fly sky high.

everything said and done..nothing is easy ai!! hehehe

make the right choice people,its always never too late..if you think you had missed out on something last time. go for it this time well prepared. grab it and cherish it.